


No rest for the cursed

by sasunaruneechan



Category: Onyx Equinox (Cartoon)
Genre: Aftermath of death from above, All characters have PTSD, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, Fact checked fanfic, Fluff, Gore, Izel has PTSD, M/M, OC's - Freeform, Onyx Equinox post season one, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Yun & Izel (Onyx Equinox), Yun/Izel - Freeform, YunxIzel, Yunzel, like the whole show it's all about death, research done (you'll learn something here)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasunaruneechan/pseuds/sasunaruneechan
Summary: To help Zyanya become human again they needed obsidian. When Izel realized that the rivers around that village had those he decided to go alone to get them. No need for all of them to relive that trauma again. To witness the aftermath of that night. It was his fault they had gotten caught in the crossfire when the Tzitzimimeh attacked, it was his responsibility to go alone. Besides, all he needed to do was find a few rocks in a river. How hard could that be.
Relationships: Yun & Izel, Yun/Izel, Yun/Izel (Onyx Equinox)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 44





	1. Only for a short while you have loaned us to eachother

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this was supposed to be a oneshot! But then I do the research and I want to add in this little fact and that and make it more realistic to mention this and that and before you know it you have a more than ten page long story... -.-  
> Ah well, this fandom needed a longer story anyway so here you have it.  
> Takes place practically immidiatly after season one. Episode nine 'Death from above' is the most important one to recall for this fic. (Though honestly how could anyone forget that episode...)

“I think she is following us.” Xanastaku said as she dropped some firewood in the midst of their circle.

“Who is what?” K’in asked with a mouth full of the fruit he took just a bite from. They had found a clearing in the forest that was fairly secure because of the dense bushes around them. No enemy would be able to sneak up on them easily here so it was the perfect place to spend the night.

“Zyanya. I’ve been seeing her following us and I saw her just now when I was collecting firewood.”

“I saw a few glimpses of her too.” Izel chimed in thoughtfully and Xanastaku nodded.

“When I tried to get closer though she growled at me and ran away. I really believe she’s still in there.”

“Gheh, yeah, but as long as she keeps the growling up, which was normally already hard to tolerate by the way, and looks like a demon lizard straight from the underworld I doubt we’d be much welcomed in Tenochtitlan.” K’in said nonchalantly. “But hey we could always leash her and tell people she’s our pet. We might actually not stand out so much for Izel’s eyes for once.”

“K’in…” Yun warned, his eyes narrowing.

“What? you know I’m right.”

“If only we had some obsidian.. Then we might be able to help her…” Xanastaku said solemnly.

The group fell silent and slowly they moved on to getting ready for sleep; they had a long journey ahead of them to get to Tenochtitlan to get help in their fight against the gods, like Yaotl said they should. Izel had a hard time falling asleep though as he kept thinking about the dilemma with Zyanya. She was all alone out there and it had started to drizzle lightly. She must be cold and he wondered if she felt lonely. He tensed when he suddenly felt a weight dropping down next to him. He had been staring at the canopy overhead that protected them from most of the rain and he hadn’t noticed someone else still being awake too.

“Can’t sleep?” Yun whispered to him softly while also looking up, one hand behind his head.

“Hmm.” Izel replied and he took his time before speaking his mind, knowing that is what Yun wanted to know. He’d always been patient like that and it’s one of the qualities that Izel really admired about him. “What if we could get obsidian?” He asked. “The river of that village…”

“No.” Yun answered determinately and Izel could feel him tensing up immediately.

“But-“

“I said no Izel.” He turned on his side and he poked Izel’s chest with his free hand. “You are not going back to that place. It’s too dangerous, too…” The pained expression on his face was enough to tell Izel what he meant and as the horrible images flashed before his eyes again he couldn’t help but feel that same dread his friend did. “We’ll figure this out, Izel. This mess with Zyanya, this mess with the gods… You’ve already done the impossible, like I said you could, so I’m sure we can fix the rest.” Yun’s brown eyes pierced down Izel’s turquoise ones, captivating them in their earnestness, their honesty.

“Thanks Yun.” Izel said not knowing what else to say at such genuine belief in him. He still wasn’t used to that and he had to look away shyly.

“Let’s just get some rest okay?” Yun smiled as he closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep, his hand still on Izel’s chest. As Izel closed his eyes he’d think that he didn’t mind that at all.

* * *

With a silent gasp Izel woke up to lay as still and silent as he could. He focused on his surroundings, making sure that he wasn’t really under attack like his nightmare had made him believe. The night was quiet, the rhythm of the forest sounds soft and gentle and beside him Yun was still fast asleep, the hand that he had had on Izel’s chest now tucked tightly to his own. Izel breathed out in relief, letting go of the breath he was holding. He looked to the side and for a while he just studied Yun’s face. He realized he wasn’t the only one who had come a long way. They all had. In such a short time they had all seen so much, suffered through so much. Too much. But at least they always had each other. Only now Zyanya didn’t. It didn’t feel right to Izel that she wasn’t here with them, not after everything they went through. Sure she had betrayed him, but he couldn’t honestly say that he wouldn’t do the same if it had been him. And she had redeemed herself, more than once. She was an important part of their group and they would need her for what was yet to come.  
Having made up his mind Izel slowly moved away from Yun and over to Xanastaku’s bag where he knew Meque was sleeping. If there was no hope of getting Zyanya back he would focus on getting to Tenochtitlan without delay. If there was any other way he wouldn’t even consider doing this.  
Silently he picked the bag up and carefully moved away from the camp, making as little noise as he could so none of his companions would wake. A good few feet away from the camp he opened the bag and a still sleepy Meque looked up to him with a questioning sound.

“Sorry to wake you buddy, but we need to go somewhere without the others for a bit.” Izel told the axolotl softly and Meque stretched out before climbing onto Izel’s shoulder and from there on his head. Izel smiled shortly before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes while thinking to himself; _here we go._

With a soft poof Izel found himself at the riverbank on the opposite side of the village where the Tzitzimimeh had caused such slaughter in Mictecacihuatl’s hunt for him. For a moment he got overwhelmed and he fell to the soft grass as his knees weakened while the images of that night replayed themselves in his head. He had to take a couple of deep breaths, barely noticing Meque standing questioningly with his forepaws on one of his knees.

“I’m okay, Meque.” Izel told the worried little creature and he took one more deep breath before standing up. “Let’s find some obsidian.”

Izel let himself slide down the bank, the water was cold around his middle and after the initial gasps he turned his mind to the task ahead. He just needed a few rocks, how hard could that be? He didn’t need any of his friends to complete such a simple task, now did he. He took a deep breath and dove underwater, his hands searching for any lose stones, feeling around bigger ones to see if he could break a part of it off. He actually found a lot of stones, just not the right ones. The first time he found an obsidian one though he couldn’t help the cheer and he quickly glanced around to see if anyone or anything had heard him. When that didn’t seem to be the case he sheepishly put the stone in Xanastaku’s bag. The size of it wasn’t all that big though so he decided to continue his search and wound up finding some more. Every time he came back up for air he would scout the river banks of both sides for any hostile beings. No danger was ever spotted though and the forest here seemed as peaceful as the one he had left. For the time being at least. He figured this river would probably not get any attention from most otherworldly creatures since it wasn’t a source for them to drink from. Perhaps even the nearby flora and fauna were affected by it since they did drink from the obsidian water.

Izel was thinking all of this over when he dived under once more but as he moved his hand through the water to get deeper he could suddenly feel strands tangling with his fingers. He quickly opened his eyes and there she was. Again. Her dark hair stretching out all around him as if it wished to capture him in her net of hair. As if she wanted him to join him, again, have him follow her to the underworld. Follow her in her sacrifice. His heart sped up, wildly beating out of control and he could almost hear her gentle voice. But he was no longer that young boy who had lost everything and was willing to throw his own life away. He had something to fight for now, something to live for.

With quick movements he pushed himself away from her web of lies and rushed up to the surface where he quickly made room between himself and the body. Now that fresh air cleared his mind and sufficed his wildly beating heart with enough oxygen he realized that the body floating in the water was really a dead one. The water gently guided it along with it’s current although the few bigger rocks made it difficult for the body to go with its flow.

Feeling guilt wash over him once more as he realized that this must have been one of the villagers he decided to take the body out of the water. It was the least he could do after causing her death in the first place by leading Mictecacihuatl’s hounds here.

He led her to the bank on the village’s side. He looked over his shoulder and turned to where the rest of the villagers were undoubtedly still spread around what used to be their safe haven. As the images assailed him again he sank too his knees, holding his hands before his mouth. The elder of the village that had welcomed them and had made him aware of his new family and who so very obviously had loved his own, the people who had welcomed them with open arms and gave them their food, water, blankets and bandaged their injuries and the children they had played with and made them forget about their worries if only for a little while. By the heavens, the children… Torn right before his eyes, their screams outringing even those of the Tzitzimimeh as they were literally torn apart.

A terrible shock rocked through his body as a painful sob escaped him and he made the mistake to look down, to the young woman on the ground. Her clothes were torn, one of her legs was missing and empty eyes stared into nothingness, clogged by the river water and whatever organisms could live in it. She was Nelli’s age, it could have been her.

It was too much.

With all the strength he could muster he managed to move away and leaned against a tree while emptying his stomach, the revolting memories and sight too much for his stomach to handle.

He didn’t know how long he sat there afterwards, sobbing as silently as he could and even after that just staring at the river. By the time he got back to himself Meque had teleported himself over the river to console him as best he could and Izel hadn’t even noticed him. He wondered if the village looked still as bad as when he had last seen it. Wouldn’t there have been anyone to come by who could at least take properly care of the deceased? Without proper burial or cremation would their _Teyolia_ , their heart and soul, be able to travel to the afterlife? These people, whose precious lives had been so roughly cut short deserved a better treatment in death. If he could make their journey a little easier it was his responsibility to do so.

After taking a few more deep breaths he let himself come to the present, determined to set himself to the task he had just thought of. He looked to the dead girl and steeled his heart for what he had to do.

* * *

“ It is his choice, Yun. Why do we have to go after him? Clearly he doesn’t need us anymore.” K’in said while barely escaping a backslapping twig as he tried to keep up with the other two in the dense, still very dark forest.

“We can’t let him do all this on his own, K’in. Izel thinks he’s sparing us and he tries to carry these burdens all by himself. He needs us whether he wants it or not.” Yun replied while he determinedly walked onward. When he had woken up in the midst of the night to find Izel gone he had instantly felt dread rising in him. He had scouted around the camp and woken the others when he found no trace of him. When Xanastaku told them her bag with Meque was missing there was no denying what he had feared from the moment he woke up.

“How are you so sure that he went to the village with the obsidian rivers?” Xanastaku asked while pulling Yun’s arm back so he’d slow down some more. She feared he was just rushing in a random direction in a panicked state or that he was just jumping to conclusions. Yun sighed and K’in finally managed to catch up.

“He told me last night… I told him no but…” Yun answered softly as he kept walking at a slower pace. Apparently his entire speech hadn’t helped much for Izel went anyway. He remembered how he had left his hand on Izel’s chest and how hard his heart had been beating at the realization that Izel didn’t move it, as if he was fine with it. If he concentrated he could feel Izel’s beating heart under his fingertips. He must have fallen asleep like that. Then how could he not have noticed Izel leaving? He was so frustrated at the entire situation. Frustrated at himself for not being more persistent, for not noticing. Frustrated at Izel for still not having learned the lesson that they were stronger together. Frustrated at his brother for his apathy towards Izel and his constant complaining. Sometimes he wondered how they could be related, let alone be twins.

“So the little brat went anyway. Clearly he wanted to go alone so why not let him? We don’t have to follow that little shit around anymore. Why are you so insistent on following him when all he does is lead us to more danger? Why can’t we just go-“

“Go where K’in?! Home?” Yun rounded on his brother, fed up with all the complaints. “When are you going to realize that there is no home to return to! Even if there was we’d probably be dead before we get there. If we don’t help Izel stand up to the gods we all die, K’in.”

“But why does it have to be us?! Why do we have to go back to that blasted village?!” K’in shouted back while he barely restrained himself from touching the scars on his abdomen. The memories of what happened there were still strong in his mind too and dying once was just about enough for him, thank you very much. “It was Izel who declared war with the gods, not us. If we have only limited time left I’d rather spend it like we used too, before we even met Izel. Ever since we met him everything went to shit…” K’in mumbled the last line while looking away. He knew very well Yun didn’t like it when he talked like that. Didn’t make it less true though. Nor did it stop him from saying it.

“You don’t have to be here K’in. If all you’re gonna do is complain then you might as well go to the nearest village and wait for us there until we return with Izel. I am not going to let Izel face that trauma and immense guilt on his own.” Yun turned around, passing Xanastaku who had been about to break them up if even one of them raised their voices again. K’in looked at her with pleading eyes and she just shook her head before following Yun. She really wished Zyanya was back in the group, she could use her backing up in keeping these boys, all of them, in line.

“Fuck this shit…” K’in said softly to himself as he followed them with trepidation. Now he had no choice but to follow them. Very low to play on his conscious like that. And yet he felt hurt, a deep pain he didn’t want to look at. Had his own brother just chosen Izel over him? They never split up before, not if either of them could help it. It had always been the two of them against everyone else. Yet this little brat was suddenly more important to Yun than his own twin? No. No, no, no, no. There was no way that little wimp could take his place. And he was going to prove it. He didn’t know yet how, he didn’t know yet when. But there was no way he was going to let Izel get between them. He would find a way to prove he was the better brother.

* * *

When Izel reached the village it was as bad as he had feared. It was evident that a slaughter had taken place here of which the aftermath was even with the waning moon far to visible. He walked towards the entrance of the village and it suddenly all felt like a dream.  
When they attacked it had felt so surreal and he had gotten completely overwhelmed. To shocked to do anything he watched the others jump into action after their initial shock. It all happened so fast and yet his reactions and comprehension seemed to happen in slow motion. The descend of the Tzitzimimeh caused the buildings on fire, Yun was pulling him this way and that way and just generally out of the way of danger, Yaotl was fighting on even grounds with them, then Xanastaku got hit, K’in got sliced and those kids got torn. Everywhere he looked there was blood and screams. Citizens panicked and got violently killed and eaten by the Tzitzimimeh. And all because of him. He had walked forward and looked down on the remains of those children like he did right now, standing in the same exact spot. When he had looked up he saw other villagers eaten and torn apart by these monsters and something in him had snapped then. A resolve had taken root. And yet it hadn’t been enough. He had stormed forward, straight towards them with the intention to finish them himself, to fight them himself. But he had ended up rescued by everyone else of his party. He hadn’t been able to do anything, not a single fucking thing.  
He looked over to the stone walls and saw what were likely the remains of the mother and daughter that he had intended to safe but in the end couldn’t. He remembered their pleading eyes as Yaotl rushed passed them and got them away from there. He wanted to cry for them, to mourn them. But, like then, he could tell his mind going numb, his rationality detaching itself from his emotions until all that remained was a resigned acceptance of what was right here in front of him. The mourning would come later; he had a task to do.

Izel set himself to building a pyre close to the center of the village. He’d scavenge wood from the broken huts and managed to create a make-shift plateau that would have to suffice. That was the easy part. He then proceeded to pick up or drag the bodies to put them on it. He took his time choosing the first one, finding the elder near the stone wall with one arm torn off. He thought it fitting that his body should be put on the pyre first so the rest of his the people would still follow him. Closing the old man’s eyes the tears overwhelmed him again and he found himself apologizing to him over and over and over again. Eventually though he steeled himself and managed to drag the old man by his clothes and one arm. The stench was another cause for him to throw up again and he used the cloth around his middle to tie it around the lower half of his face in an attempt to keep the smell of death out.  
He worked for hours as he dragged first the most intact bodies to the pyre, then the half torn ones. By the time the wood was hardly visible he looked through the broken houses again.  
He would find things there that made his eyes fill with tears and his heart break some more with guilt. Woven tapestries like he and Nelli used to make, toys of the children, self-made pottery, bright clothes, work tools and all other kinds of personal belongings that indicated a well-educated and richly cultured life. And it was all gone because of him.  
He remembered their music, dance, play and just general hospitality of a kind he had not encountered anywhere else. It took him a while to realize that the rhythmic sound he heard was not that of his memory. Fearfully he looked around; clearly something else was here. He was standing between two half broken huts and as his heart sped up, pumping adrenaline around, he took a ready stance with K’i’k in hand. The now irregular thumping slowed to silence, as if it too waited. Izel didn’t move, made as little sound as possible and kept glancing around. His breathing sounded way to loud in his ears and he was never known for being patient.

“I know you’re out there! Show yourself!” He called out with determination. If it was one of the Tzitzimimeh he was going to be in deep trouble. He would fight it, and kill it, though. For these villagers.

The thumping sped up again, faster now, louder, almost desperate. Izel quickly turned to one of the huts where it seemed to come from. Whatever it was seemed to play with him, it must have been watching him all this time.

“Come on then, I’m right here!” Izel taunted whatever it was, his heart beating wildly. He hated not seeing, not knowing what it was that haunted him. It made him on edge and he really didn’t want to have to charge in blindly when he didn’t know what he was up against.

The sounds stopped again. Silence fell once more. Izel didn’t understand what was happening. Did it go away? Was it just playing with him or trying to scare him off? Hesitantly he moved closer to the ruins of the hut with great caution, anticipating a sudden jump from whatever was in there.  
Then there were suddenly different sounds, ones he could hear now that he got closer. A voice, no voices, calling. Calling to him! With a few more steps he was in the room of which still three and a half wall stood. The roof had mainly collapsed and rubble was everywhere. But he didn’t see anyone and the voices had gone quiet again. Lowering K’i’k he looked around while holding his breath in the hopes of hearing it again.

“Maybe I’m going mad…” He softly said to himself. That explanation wouldn’t be so farfetched after all he had seen and been through.

Immediately the shouting and thumping picked up with a louder volume and more desperation that made Izel jump in surprise. It came from below, from under a beam that had been the main support of the roof. _People_ , Izel realized, _there were people down there. Survivors!_

“H-hold on! I’m going to get you out!” He shouted and instantly moved to pull the debris and push the heavy beam away.

“Please get us out of here!” Sounded a young voice and when all the debris was pushed to the side, for the most part, Izel found a hatch that he managed to pull open partly.

“H-hurry!” He told them through gritted teeth as he pulled the hatch up as far and long as he could.

A little child was pushed out first, he couldn’t be much older than five, and he crawled a little away from them to make space for the next person. This was a girl and she struggled to get past the opening which was slowly closing for Izel couldn’t hold on for much longer. If only Yun had been there with him, he would have been able to keep it up.

“That’s all you can let go.” The girl said and with a loud slam the hatch closed as Izel did so. He was out of breath and had fallen over for a moment. He was sad that there weren’t more survivors, but that these two did was a miracle and an absolute blessing. “Thank you.” She said and when he looked at her she was standing a few feet away from him, her brother in her arms and clearly weary of him.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me. The monsters are long gone too.” Izel said as he stood up and he hoped he was right about that last part.

They looked at each other. She and her brother seemed unharmed albeit a bit dirty and probably underfed after being stuck down there for days. She had her dark brown hair in a ponytail and wore the type of clothing the villagers wore with a stone necklace around her neck. She seemed to be around his age, a little younger maybe. The boy wore just a cloth around his waist as was custom for young boys his age.  
She looked at him with wide eyes and though she lowered the boy to the ground, she also made sure he was behind her so she was positioned between him and Izel. Izel frowned, thinking it the cause to be probably his eyes again. But when he looked down at himself he remembered what he had been doing for the past few hours as blood stained his clothes, arms and legs and he wouldn’t be surprised if he had it on his face too.

“I-It’s not what it looks like!” He quickly said, wanting to explain the macabre look he was wearing. His sudden movement of moving his arms up startled her and her little brother suddenly let go of her.

“Mama!” He called out as if he expected her to instantly respond while running out of the hut and into the village.

“Tochtli, wait!” The girl shouted after him and instantly followed while Izel could feel the dread rising in him. He quickly moved and wished he could stop them, spare them the sight that would undoubtedly remain burned into their minds forever. But he knew it was too late, that he couldn’t prevent this.

At the edge of the center of the village the girl had stopped, stunned by the horrible sight all around her. Izel stopped next to her, knowing well how she must be overwhelmed and in shock at the macabre sight of the place she once called home. Of the people she called her family. She fell to her knees, incomprehension visible on her face.

“They are all…” She mumbled while staring blindly at the pyre and the pile of bodies on it.

Izel didn’t know what to say and when he looked to the same thing she did he was not prepared for the size of the body pile. He had been working automatically, focusing on one problem at a time, one body at a time. Now he saw the total picture, the way she did, and the amount of deaths he had caused. He had taken everything from these people, from her and her brother.

“Mama, mamaah!” Tochtli called like a spoiled child wanting it’s mothers attention while pulling at an arm of a body within the pile.

Izel’s throat closed and he sucked in a harsh breath at the sight. The child didn’t understand she wasn’t alive anymore. His sister seemed to still be out of it, fear and horror on her face that must be paralyzing her. He knew he’d never forget that look and he quickly turned away, forcing his body to move. He had seen this before, this sight wasn’t new to him. He had to be the one to pick them up, to at least take care of the little brother until his sister could compose herself.  
He walked to the child and went to its level while turning him around to face him. Thank the gods he had closed their eyes before moving them to the pyre. That child should not have to see that. Nor the fact that it was only her top half that was there, the other bodies on top of her hiding that fact.

“Hey, uhm, Tochtli? You love your sister right?” Izel asked hesitatingly and the boy nodded. “You see her there? She really needs you right now.”

“But mama-“

“Your sister _really_ needs you. She’s hurt, she needs you with her to make it better.” Izel hoped it was enough to convince the little boy and when he hesitated his heart sank. The child nodded though and quickly made his way to his sister.

“Yoalli? What’s wrong?” Tochtli asked when his sister didn’t respond to his hug. She would always return his hugs. “Mama is there, don’t you want to see her? She can kiss the hurt all better!”

Izel’s heart broke at hearing that. Maybe he had made the whole situation even worse by sending him to her while she wasn’t ready yet. She still hadn’t reacted. What if she never would again? What if the sight broke her? What if by letting them go without warning he had taken yet another life? Another little brother lost without his sister…  
A first sob shook him out of his reverie and when she pulled her little sibling close and started to cry he could feel his own eyes water. He didn’t know if it was from relief or from the sight of them and how much they reminded him of himself and Nelli. He moved away, letting them mourn privately while hiding behind another ruin to cry alone.

He had his arms around his pulled up legs and his chin on his knees, staring unseeingly ahead of him as the last remaining tears flowed down and slowly dried up. They left streaks through the dirt on his face and he didn’t really care at all when he felt a presence sitting down next to him. It remained silent for a long while.

“You were preparing them for their journey to the afterlife.” She said, not even a question and added softly; “Thank you.”

Izel couldn’t respond. Couldn’t tell her that it was his fault they were dead. That he was the one who ruined their lives. The words stayed stuck in his throat. And though he was glad he was no longer alone in this place, he suddenly missed his friends beyond words. Yun would be so disappointed that he had gone alone anyway. It would almost make him cry again if he had still tears left for that.

“I should get back to it…” He said mechanically, detaching himself again from emotions as much as he could.

“I will help you.” She said as she stood up too, her little brother having fallen asleep beside her on the ground. Clearly she had talked to him about what was going on for he had still puffy, red eyes from crying. The kid must have exhausted himself.

“You don’t have too. I can do it by my-“

“I do have too. They are _my_ people.” She said determinedly. They stared each other down and Izel found he didn’t have the energy to oppose her. He nodded and went to work while she picked up her brother and laid him around the corner within one of the ruins so he’d at least be somewhat sheltered.

They worked hard and diligently for the next couple of hours. He admired the coolheaded steadfast way she handled the entire situation. Like him she focused on what needed to be done and leave the feelings to the side as much as possible. Every once in a while though he would spot her crying over a body or her retching from the sight and smell.  
Dawn was steadily coming their way and when the first light touched the horizon they were ready to set the pyre on fire. They each started on opposite sides of the body pile and as she began a funerary song they walked clockwise while setting the pyre on fire every few steps. They ended at each other’s starting spots and went to the same side where Tochtli stood waiting. Even when they stood there she kept singing while the flames consumed the bodies and set the _Teyolia_ soul free to find their way to their appropriate afterlife. Izel watched the smoke and sparks reached into the sky and he hoped a define dog would come guide the Teyolia finish its journey despite them having been trapped in the body for so long. Somehow in doing this it lifted a weight of his shoulder. They would be able to move on. And so would he. He only hoped Yoalli and Tochtli would be able to do so too.  
Her song had come to a stuttering end when she could no longer hold her emotions at bay and she was now letting her tears run free while steadily holding her little brothers hand. He wished he could do more for her. But he also knew, from experience, that as long as they had each other they were going to be alright.

“What will you do next?” He asked her softly when she had a better hold of herself.

“I… Need to find a new home for us. I’ve never been outside the village before though… What about you?” She asked while both slowly made their way towards the village exit.

“I need to go back to my friends. I-“ Izel wavered for a moment. Should he tell her? Tell her about the gods and what they made him to be? What he did and didn’t do? That he was the reason she lost everything? But what if, like Xanastaku, she would decide to join them? She would get caught in the crossfire too, he’d be putting their lives at risk. Best thing to do was take them to the nearest village and leave them there. He first needed to get reunited with his friends though. “You could come along? Then we could drop you of at the nearest village.”

“The elder did say the world was very dangerous beyond the rivers… And there is strength and safety in numbers right?” She asked while thinking it over. She looked at him, seemed to measure him and it showed Izel that she still didn’t trust him fully. “Your friends… Are they the ones that were with you when you came here before the Tzitzimimeh attacked? The twins and… the jaguar emissary?”

“Uhm. Yeah. Though the jaguar isn’t with us anymore…” Izel answered while looking away. Losing Yaotl was still a sore point for him and the wound was still too fresh to talk about.

“You were lucky to escape them. …It’s brave that you came back for us.” Yoalli said while looking away and guild settled even deeper within Izel when he bitterly thought to himself that it wasn’t for them that he came back.

“We should go if you want to come.” Izel said and opened the bag so Meque could climb out and onto his shoulder, cooing happily at them. “Take my hand.” He said while ignoring the look on her face at seeing Meque while Tochtli cowed right back at the axolotl. She hesitatingly did so and Izel closed his eyes to picture the faces of the people he wanted to be with more than anything in the world. He didn’t resist it when it was Yun’s face that kept popping up the most. With a poof they were gone. Just a single corn left behind.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some facts:  
> ~ The title of this chapter is a line from an Aztec prayer about death and mourning.  
> ~ The Tzitzimimeh, although portrayed as female monsters most of the time, stood also for protectors of fertility and infantry and they were the ones worshipped by midwives and women in labour. Its the reason the human baby girl (and future underworld queen) was given to them by the underworlking and that they were seemingly her caretakers.  
> ~ The Aztecs believed that everyone had three souls; the one in the head (will and intelligence), the one in the heart (vondness, vitality) and the one in the liver (passion and agression). The heart soul (Teyolia) could be guided by a devine dog who would be called by the smoke and flames of crimation.  
> ~ The name Yoalli means night and the name Tochtli means rabbit in Aztec Nahuatl.  
> ~ Also, if you didn't know, Tenuchtitlan is the city where Izel and Nelli were born.
> 
> If I got anything wrong, let me know. I find mythology mightly interesting and there are probably gonna pop up some more facts along the way of this fanfic.  
> I know this part didn't have much Yunzel in it, but it will come I promise! Next part they will reunite and it will have a lot more of that so bookmark it so you won't miss out on that!
> 
> (I'd love to hear some comments on this! Let's make this fandom even bigger so AO3 will at least have the right tags ready at the mention of yun or Izel. (Searoulsy AO3, you're way behind!))


	2. A burden is never carried alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this was supposed to be a two-shot fic... But then you add drama here and characterbuilding there and some ptsd and before you know you've got a ten page long chapter... Again... So, it might have taken a while but here is another big chapter and still it feels like there is more that needs to be told to truly wrap this "short" story up.  
> Also; I added a bit of fanart to the last chapter so go and check that out if you hadn't seen it yet!

“We should keep moving.” Yun said with his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for the others impatiently after their short break near a lake. They had been walking for hours and coming across this place was too good an opportunity for a break to pass up.

“What, already?! We just got here!” K’in exclaimed while sitting on the ground with the berries he’d just plucked. “We haven’t even eaten yet.”

“You can eat on the way.”

“Yun,” Xanastaku said caringly while she stepped closer to him. “we need to eat, we need some rest and perhaps we need to talk and form a plan.” She said calmly.

“Izel is all alone out there! We can’t afford long breaks for talks or food or whatever!” Yun strongly shook his head, the ever pressing dread in him not allowing him to even consider taking it slow. All he could think about was getting to Izel and keeping him safe.

“Rushing in blindly while sleep deprived and malnourished is not going to help Izel!” Xanastaku replied with as much conviction as him and she took both his hands in hers as she continued with such a gentle warmth to her voice. “Yun, you know better than most how tough Izel truly is. You’ve seen him fight, seen what he’s been through and how he managed to get out on top anyway. If it were him standing here don’t you think you’d want to tell him to take a deep breath and take it easy for a bit? Izel won’t leave us behind. Not after choosing us over humanity the way he did. Choosing us over Nelli…” Her wise brown eyes quenched any of his arguments as much as her words did. His shoulders sagged and Xanastaku could see the tension leave him.

“I’m just… so scared that we won’t make it in time… That he’ll be gone, even when we do find him…” Yun all but whispered while looking down and a lump formed in his throat at saying his fear out loud.

“I know.” She tightened her hold on his hands for a moment. “But I believe Izel will come back to us. He cares about you Yun, about all of us. That is one thing about Izel that you should never waver about. It is because he cares so much that he fights. It’s because he has us that he’ll do anything to survive and get back to us. That’s how important we have become to him. And that we won’t give up on him, because we won’t, is because he’s become just as important to us. Believe in him, Yun. We’ll find him, or he’ll come back to us. And if he’s lost when we do we’ll help him find his way again.” She made him look at her. “So, let’s focus on keeping our strength up okay?” They looked at each other for a bit before Yun sighed.

“I guess a little break couldn’t hurt…” He said reluctantly at which Xanastaku smiled and she let go of his hands.

“So, does this mean I can go fishing? Make a campfire?” K’in asked hopefully as he stood up. “Cuss these berries are not nearly enough to sustain me during the rest of this ridiculous chase.” That was the wrong thing to say and Xanastaku wished she could just slap some sense into K’in for ruining her hard work just like that. She didn’t get the chance though.

“What’s your problem K’in?!” Yun hissed as he stepped closer to him. “All you do is bitch about Izel, acting like a total jerk.”

“I just don’t see the point in all of us getting traumatized again just because he wants to play hero!”

“That’s because he is one! Because he cares! Unlike you!”

“Unlike me?! Now that’s rich! Unlike him I’m still here aren’t I?! I’m the one by your side like always. Why the fuck do you care so much that you’d go back to the place where I practically died?!”

“Because I love him!”

“And you don’t love me?!”

“T-that’s different-“

“No it’s not! I’m your twin, I’ve always been by your side, had your back! He’s technically not even related to us! It’s always been the two of us and ever since that little fuck has shown up in our lives it’s like he’s draining our bond. Like he drains everyone around him! That little whiney leach-“

“Shut up, K’in!” Yun shouted and he pulled him close while fisting his tunic and for a moment they stare at each other in rage, noses nearly touching. “You-“

Before Yun could continue however they were interrupted by a loud poof at the edge of their camp. The twins instantly let go of each other and all three of them got battle ready. What appeared from within the smoke though was a sight that rocked them all to their core.

There he was. Izel. Covered in blood and dirt and with a hollow look in his eyes. There was no doubt where he had been or what he had done. Nobody said anything as he walked forward, taking the bag of and giving it back to Xanastaku who numbly took it from him.

“Help her.” He said softly and then walked past her, past all of them. The smell of death was coming so strongly of him that it was hard to believe he was alive, which the deadened look in his eyes didn’t seem to help much.

Yun stood rooted at the spot while Izel passed him by. Any words he wanted to say were restricted in his throat and his body seemed to be set in stone for no matter how much he willed it, it wouldn’t move. He had been so afraid of this. That Izel would sacrifice himself again to do what was right. Shouldering the burden and the blame all by himself. If only he could’ve convinced him that he could rely on him… But there was no use thinking that now. Now he could do something to help him, be by his side to pick up the pieces and put him back together again. It wouldn’t matter how many times Izel fell apart before he learned the lesson he was trying to convey to him. He would always be there to pick him up again, no matter how long it would take.

Izel had walked to a nearby tree where he slumped down and stared at the ground unseeingly in exhaustion. The numbness hadn’t faded and it felt like he didn’t know how to turn his feelings back on again. As the images from last night as well as the attack itself kept replaying in his mind, he wasn’t all too sure that he wanted to. The numbness protected him from breaking, from feeling anything and prevented him from caring even when Yun knelt next to him.

“Izel?” Yun asked softly while putting a hand on his shoulder, noticing how he seemed lost in a stupor. Realizing that he wouldn’t get any reaction out of Izel now he slowly moved to put an arm around his shoulders and the other under his legs to lift him up. “I’ll take care of Izel.” He said over his shoulder to the others whom had moved to interact with the newcomers.

Yun had not even noticed them before. Xanastaku nodded and K’in just looked at him for a while, their argument still unresolved. Yun was the one to break eye-contact and moved towards a more isolated part of the lake where there would be a bit more privacy. He would fix things with K’in later. He had to take care of Izel first.  
The smell of decay was really strong and almost made Yun gag. How many bodies did he carry to have it clinging so strongly to him? The blood on his clothes was mostly on his hands, forearms and feet and lower legs so it wasn’t that he had been hurt or had been fighting. It could only be from carrying the deceased from one place to another, to burn them most likely if the vague scent of smoke was anything to go on. In a flash he remembered all the murder and bloodshed that had happened that night and for a moment he just knelt at the waterline with Izel in his arms as vertigo swept over him. All that slaughter… The carnage… What would a battlefield like that look like after a couple of days? He honestly didn’t want to imagine that. He, like the others no doubt, had been pushing those kinds of thoughts away ever since it happened. And yet, here was the one person who dared to look at them. This amazing person in his arms, right here, had not only dared to imagine but to go and see it. Change it even. Fixing it.

“I’ll help you get cleaned, okay?” Yun whispered softly against Izel’s head, barely keeping the tears at bay.

He resolutely set to work and got Izel undressed while stripping down to his underwear himself. He carried him into the lake and gently cleaned the filth of his skin. Yun tried not to think too hard about what he was doing and focused on Izel’s face mainly to keep his eyes from wandering. Izel had closed his eyes and though he held on slightly with his arms around Yun’s neck, he didn’t seem to respond otherwise. It worried Yun to no end. After he finished he carried Izel back to the lakeshore and gave him his own cloth -he usually wore it around his middle- to cover him up. Izel pulled his legs to his knees and folded his arms around them, curling up as small as he could get to protect himself. He hid his face by leaning with his forehead against his knees as he started to tremble slightly. Yun sighed deeply before picking up both their clothes and setting himself to the task of cleaning them.

What if the experience broke him? What if he would never respond again? If he stayed stuck in that nightmare? What if he couldn’t reach him anymore? Had he already lost him? What could he possibly do or say to make Izel feel better? He had no idea how to handle this situation and it gnawed at him as he found himself drowning in helplessness. Tears filled Yun’s eyes again and he furiously wiped them away, working more quickly to get their clothes clean again so they wouldn’t smell like decay so much. He should have been more persistent. He should have let Izel know that he could handle it, as long as they did so together. That seeing him broken and severely traumatized would be so, so much harder than getting traumatized alongside him. He should have told him how he would always be by his side. That he could rely on him, lean on him. That he wanted him to share his burdens with him. That he worried about him because he cared so fucking much about him! That he loved him…

Just as a silent sob shocked Yun’s body he heard a soft whimper from behind him. When he turned around Izel had fallen over, his body shocking every now and then while trembling vigorously.

“Izel!” Yun rushed to his side, lifting his head of the ground and laying a hand on his cheek. The skin under his palm was warm and when he moved it to his forehead it was even warmer. Panic instantly seized him and he pulled Izel closer as he pleaded with him to wake up. Not knowing what else to do he picked him up and made his way back to camp where he called for Xanastaku. If anyone could help Izel, it would be her.

When he arrived at their camp nobody seemed to be there however. Where had they all gone? Right when he needed them! Yun called out for Xanastaku and when he heard some rustling in the bushes he turned to it and there she was.

“We found a cave not far from here were we could set up camp.” She started to explain but soon realized something was wrong and she quickly came closer to them as Yun knelt down. “What happened?”

“I-I don’t know. He didn’t respond a-at all and now he has a fever. I- You can help him right?” Yun asked hopefully with desperation still evident in his voice and eyes. Xanastaku laid a hand against Izel’s heated face and examined his pulse.

“Did you use any plants to clean him, did you give him anything to eat or drink?” She asked and Yun shook his head quickly at which she sighed. “You know my powers don’t work this way… To be honest I don’t think it’s like any other sickness.”

“You could use me. If you need to syphon life from one being to another, use me!” Yun said determinedly.

“I told you it doesn’t work that way! I can’t control it, it could kill you.” Xanastaku replied sternly, hating the fact that the others thought so lightly of her power, her curse. “Yun,” She continued in a more gentle tone when he was about to interject again. “sometimes people get emotionally sick. A sickness of the mind when they have seen too much, been through too much. My powers won’t be able to heal that.”

“Then what do we do?” Yun asked softly while looking down at Izel who was breathing irregularly and he gently caressed his cheek.

“We wait. We let him rest and we help him find his way again.” She answered and Yun nodded after swallowing hard, remembering well their earlier conversation. He held Izel a bit closer for a moment and Xanastaku watched the endearing scene for a moment before standing up. “Come on, I’ll show you where the cave is.”

The cave they had found was in a slightly sloping rock wall and the entrance of it was small but high so it wasn’t easily accessible by wider creatures. Once past the entrance the ground sloped downwards where the cave widened in a near dome like shape. It was the perfect place to hide out and take a longer rest.  
For the remainder of the day Yun stayed by Izel’s side as he slept through his fever. Xanastaku had gone back to where their clothes still laid at the bank of the lake and she took the opportunity to wash Izel’s once more with some soap from nearby plants. Under the bright sun they dried quickly and by the time evening fell Yun was wearing his own clothes again. Izel’s clothes were still a bit damp so Xanastaku offered her own shawl to use as a blanket for him while using a separate cloth to put on his forehead. She came by often to check Izel’s condition and that Yun ate something. She couldn’t have him getting sick too after all.  
K’in seemed to avoid him for the most part, seemingly too occupied with the new girl and especially her little brother for whom he went to great lengths to make him laugh and forget about the harshness of this world. When Yun came back to Izel’s side after emptying his bladder outside however he found a piece of wood and K’in’s hunting knife. Hearing the little boy outside laugh he made the decision to do something for him too. He wasn’t sure whether the gesture was meant as an apology from his twin, but it would help him keep his mind somewhat occupied.  
Evening fell and Izel was still not better. He was not worse either so Yun hoped he would be in the morning. When they all went to sleep he laid down next to Izel and he laid his forehead against his shoulder. He wished vehemently that Izel would be better by tomorrow as he fell asleep.

* * *

It started with her. Like it almost always did. Her smile, her face, the color of her hair, the smell of fruits, smoke and warm cooked meals. Her chastising, motherly voice of which they both knew it was an act. The way she showed him how to weave and her delight at a new pattern or the progress he had made. And for a little while it was like he was back there, back in those peaceful days.

Then came the fall. First from her. Her shocked eyes as her throat suddenly spelled red blood instead of words. Then she was thrown over the side and her fall suddenly became his own. The pain in his back of getting cursed would be so strong that it felt like he’d experience it all over again. And when he opened his eyes she would be there again. But all wrong. Black and quick and unnerving and tempting him to join her in a darkness that terrified him.

And then she screamed and disappeared in darkness as he refused her. Her screams deformed and reached higher and higher notes until he recognized them and gave him a feeling of greater terror than she did. And as he turned around he came face to face with one. He would scream and jumped back and the Tzitzimimeh did the same thing, almost mirroring him. Behind it other’s showed up and they started to attack the villagers, tearing them apart and their screams sounded more and more like laughter.

He shouted at them to stop. And they did. They all turned to him. And he knew. He knew he had to run or be torn apart by each of them. And as he ran he could hear their hunting screeches, echoing like cackles of madness. As a terrible pain hit his shoulder he watched his friends outrun him before he fell. Lost and alone, they left him behind. And he was glad for it. They had gotten away.

In the darkness he looked down and saw a face there. A face of a young girl, the one he had failed to safe in the end. She had been decapitated and her bodiless head was now looking at him. With the same pleading and fearful eyes he had last seen dead. Those eyes he had closed before putting her head with her body on the pile.

“Why did you leave us?” She asked almost innocently and he wanted nothing more but to crawl away from her.

“I-I didn’t want to.”

“Then why is mommy dead?”

“I… I didn’t mean to-“

“Why did you run away?”

“I-“

“Why did you lead them to us?”

“P-please-“

“Why did you kill us?!”

“Stop!” He shouted as he covered his ears and closed his eyes tightly. “I never wanted that to happen… I never wanted to hurt anyone…”

“Then why did you leave me?” Sounded a different voice, one he knew well. And with a shocked expression he looked up. The girls head was replaced with someone else’s. Yun’s brown eyes pierced his as his decapitated head floated in the darkness as patient as he had always known him.

“No, please.”

“You left me Izel. After everything… How could you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean too!” He pleaded, not being able to bear the disappointed look in Yun’s eyes.

“It’s too late…” His head started to float away from him as the cackle of the Tzitzimimeh picked up again from the direction Yun floated to.

“No.” He said, scrambling to his feet and reaching for him.

“I cannot help you.”

“Please, wait!”

“Not if you don’t want too.”

“No! Yun!” He screamed as his friend’s head ended up in the claws of one of the Tzitzimimeh. For a moment it seemed indecisive and then it threw the head to one of the other Tzitzimimeh.

“No, give him back. I’ll do better, I’ll be better!” They ignored him as they threw the head around, like the ballgame the twins used to play until it ended in the clutches of the biggest one there. “Give him back to me!” He shouted as its face changed into that of Mictecacihuatl’s and after a moment of observation she grinned down on him.

For a moment he believed he’d get Yun back. That she would take pity on him and give him what he wanted. He reached out to take him into his arms, but before he could she made her move. In one quick movement she pulled his head close and bit down on him. He screamed. Or he wanted too. But there was no sound that could leave his throat. No last call so his voice would be the last Yun heard instead of the Tzitzimimeh screaming in the background. It felt like it was his heart she had taken a bite from and he gasped for air as blood gushed from between her claws and pooled on the dark floor, reaching his feet.

With a gasp Izel turned on his side, eyes wide and heart beating fast. Still surrounded by darkness he wanted nothing more than to get out of there and as he franticly searched around he found some light coming from the entrance of the cave. Before he could comprehend where he was he was already dashing for the moonlight and the open air. Once outside the cave he rushed a bit further to a bunch of bushes where he retched. After getting some air into his lunges he stepped back to the open place before the entrance of the cave and looked around. He didn’t feel like going back in, his nightmare still far more real in his mind than his current surroundings.  
Spotting a small trail going up the mountain wall he moved to follow it until he was quite high and had a decent view of the area surrounding their camp. He sat down on the edge, the steep wall behind him not that far away for the trail seemed to be barely a meter wide.

As he pulled his knees up to his chest he realized for the first time he was barely wearing anything. The nights weren’t that cold luckily and it hadn’t rained all day, nor were there any clouds in the sky. He could faintly hear someone else climbing up the trail and having a pretty good guess as to whom it probably was he decided to ignore it.

When Izel had woken up with a gasp it had jolted Yun awake too. Before he could say anything though Izel had sprinted out of the cave and he had hastily scrambled to his feet to go after him. When he reached the exit of the cave though he could hear retching sounds and realized he didn’t need to fear that Izel would just leave. He gave him some space instead and remained in the darkness of the cave, waiting for him. He watched how Izel found his composure somewhat and he was mesmerized by those turquoise eyes again that seemed to capture the moonlight so brightly it was as if they literally shined. To his surprise though Izel turned away as if he had found something. Curious, Yun decided to follow him, getting the opportunity to pick some mint leaves along the way.

“How are you feeling?” Yun asked as he sat down next to the boy he had a crush on. Without comment he handed some of the mint over to Izel along with his water flask.

“Hm. Still somewhat numb.” Izel answered after taking the offered water and mint. The taste brought him back some more to the present and made his nightmare seem farther away. “But somewhat better I guess…”

“Good.” Yun answered softly and a silence fell as he knew not what else to say. How come that he was suddenly at such a loss for words?

“I had to do something… I couldn’t just leave them like that…” Izel whispered as the words from the nightmare echoed in his head. “I’m s-so sorry I disappointed you.” He whispered and suddenly Yun felt no longer at a loss for words. He moved to pull Izel close to him.

“Izel. I-“ And suddenly the tears were back again and his throat tightened. He wanted to say that he wasn’t angry, that it was okay, that he understood. Because he knew that’s what Izel needed right now. But the fear he had felt, the ever rising dread of losing him, the frustration of him doing things alone again, the pain of watching him suffer. He couldn’t deny all of that. Izel needed to feel loved and cared for and his forgiveness. But what about his feelings? How would telling him all those sweet things help prevent him from doing it again? “I want to tell you-“ Yun managed to say though his voice cracked and the lump in his throat prevented him from finishing that sentence.

“Yun?” Izel moved a bit so he could see his face and at the pained expression he found his heart ached. As Yun’s breathing became more shallow he realized his friend was at the verge of tears and it shocked him to see him so. Izel had never seen Yun cry before. Not even when his leg got broken or when his brother got almost killed. He gently laid his hand against Yun’s cheek to turn his head towards him and as Yun opened his eyes Izel held his breath at the watery eyes that looked at him with so much pain. Pain he had caused. It caused a lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking.

“I do understand.” Yun managed to say as he moved his hand to cover the one Izel held on his cheek. “Because I know you. A-and I want to tell you that I’m not angry… But I can’t, Izel, because I am.” Yun sniffed and he ignored an escaped tear rolling down his other cheek. “Do you know how worried I’ve been? Don’t you know how much I care? I care s-so fucking much about you Izel! So much that it hurts when you’re not near me! Especially when I know you do something that hurts you, something so self-destructing that breaks something in you. That makes you suffer even though y-you’re right here again and there is nothing, nothing I can do to help you..!”

“Yun..” Izel whispered as tears filled his eyes now too. “I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” He had never wanted to see Yun hurt. He was the last person he wanted to bring such destress. But he had gone anyway and Yun had every right to be angry with him. He didn’t think he’d care this much though. “But,” Izel continued while Yun had closed his eyes in pain again and seemed unable to answer him. He moved his hand to make him look at him. “you’re wrong though. You do help me… You’ve been there for me like nobody else ever was, aside from Nelli. You make me feel like I can handle these things because I know you’ll be there for me when I come back. I guess… I guess I have been taking too much advantage of that… And I really am so sorry about that. I just… I don’t want to lose you either, b-because I really care a lot about you too.” Feeling his cheeks warming Izel looked away shyly at that admittance. It was Yun’s turn to get Izel to face him again and when he did so he pressed their foreheads together and took a deep breath before replying.

“I guess it’s not entirely your fault… I should have been more honest with you. I should have given you more reason to believe that I can handle it too… That you don’t have to shield me. That you can share all your burdens with me.”

“What do you mean?” As far as Izel knew Yun didn’t have any secrets for him so what should he have been more honest about?

“About my feelings… Izel, I’m in love with you.” Yun said softly and Izel’s eyes widened in shock. Yun moved back a little bit but kept looking down and he ignored Izel’s gasp as he continued. “Somewhere along this intense journey you got me to fall head over heels for you… You’re determined, incredibly brave and you love and care with such a passion, which is why it hurts you so unbearably bad when you lose someone. When you lost Nelli. And I know you fear losing us because of that. But I need you to understand that I care and love you just as much and that losing you hurts me as much as you losing me… Maybe even more so, if you don’t feel the same. Which is fine. I will always be here for you Izel, I will always love you. No matter the odds, no matter where that takes me.” Yun didn’t dare raise his head as his heartbeat was going wild.

“Yun…” Izel didn’t know what to say. The words just seemed stuck in his throat, hell he couldn’t even seem to give them form in his mind. He remembered how Yun had always been there for him when he needed someone. Yun was the one to hold him, reassure him that everything would be alright. He had forgiven Izel countless times for selfish actions, ever supporting him. He had even washed and cleaned him when he had gotten back, hadn’t he? The memory of that combined with the just given confession turned Izel’s cheeks flaming red. It’s one thing to see each other naked, to be washed by the other was just way to embarrassing. And yet, he had been fine with it. Granted he wasn’t really emotionally aware of anything at the time, but he’s pretty sure he would have resisted if he had felt endangered. The thought of Yun’s hands on his skin made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He wasn’t sure whether it was love that he felt for the other, after all he had never been in love before, but he did know he felt safe with him.

“You don’t have to answer really. It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just needed you to know that-“ Yun babbled in embarrassment, the silence having lasted far past the point of what his nerves could handle. Even his patience had a limit. Izel interrupted him quickly though as he hadn’t intended the silence to stretch while he was thinking his own feelings over.

“N-no, no, Yun, I, eh…” Izel took a deep breath and Yun finally dared to look at him and the vulnerability Izel saw in his eyes made his heart skip a beat. “Look. I’ve never been in love before… I… I don’t know what it feels like, but… I do feel safe with you…” Izel whispered the last line while steadily looking away, his cheeks turning bright red which made Yun catch his breath. They were still sitting close and Izel had one hand on Yun’s shoulder, which he tightened in his tunic.

“That’s okay. I guess we’ll figure it out then? You know you can tell me anything, Izel. There is nothing you could say or do that would make me think less of you.” Holding Izel’s hand Yun caressed it gently with his thumb, though Izel kept looking out over the landscape before them.

“You really mean it then? You’ll care about me no matter what?” Izel asked carefully and this time Yun made him look at him so he could convey how much he meant his next words.

“Yes. No matter what. I love you unconditionally.”

“I…” Izel’s throat closed up at the realization that, aside from Nelli, no-one had ever said that to him. “I never thought I’d ever have anyone care that much about me again after Nelli died… After everything I’ve done, everything I’ve caused…” The tears he had been keeping at bay for so long seemed to push through as he remembered all the lives lost because of him. Nelli. The villagers. Yaotl. “How could someone still love me so after all that?” And as the tears pushed through Yun pulls him close, pulling his legs over his lap and wrapping his arms protectively around him while Izel’s shoulders started to shock.

“I do. Because no matter what, you will always be you. You’re so much stronger than you think you are Izel.” Yun said softly against Izel’s head, his own eyes watering as Izel cried out all the anguish he had felt since Nelli died. Yun held him, cried silently with him and comforted him with soft, sweet words when Izel calmed down some more. They sat like that for a while, Izel leaning with his head in the crook of Yun’s neck, arms wrapped around each other.

“Thank you…” Izel whispered as he opened his eyes a bit without moving away.

“No need.” Yun answered just as softly and he couldn’t help himself to kiss Izel’s head gently.

Izel’s cheeks heated at the gesture and his heartbeat sped up at the thought of possibilities, of what it meant to be in a relationship. Determinedly he moved up a bit so they could look at each other. Yun frowned at the look in Izel’s eyes which he couldn’t quite place and he was wondering what the other was thinking. He didn’t have to wonder long though as Izel smirked slightly before pulling him close and pressing their lips together. Yun’s eyes widened, having not expected that, before closing them and moving his head slightly so he could easier participate in the kiss.  
It was a bit awkward and weird, neither sure how to move their lips against each other and when Yun licked Izel’s lip and deepened the kiss it was just as awkward with teeth bumping together, angles changing and shifting. It was like they were a puzzle trying to fit together. And fit they did, eventually.

Izel had never thought he could feel so warm with another person. It was like he was drowning in every movement Yun made and yet it made him thirsty for more. More, more, more. He wanted so much more of this. Of his heartbeat quickening and skipping beats not out of fear for once but out of excitement and joy and giddy anticipation of what might happen next. When Yun caressed the length of his side from shoulder blade to hip, it would send goosebumps all over his body. Feeling Yun’s tongue map out his mouth he couldn’t help but sigh and moan softly at the sensation. Hearing Yun do the same would make his heart leap with joy that he brought the same sensations to him. Yun broke the kiss first so both could catch their breath and he smiled at Izel with such glee in his eyes.

“I want more.” Izel didn’t intend to let those words slip just like that, the excitement still clouding his voice and judgement somewhat.

“Y-yeah. I can tell.” Yun answered after a quick glance down and when Izel did so too he saw his erection showing right through the very little concealing bit of cloth he was wearing.

“S-shit. I, oh fuck-“

“Hey, hey.” Yun said calmly, preventing Izel from moving away from him so instead Izel hid his burning face against Yun’s shoulder, groaning under his breath with embarrassment as Yun chuckled lightly. “Izel… I want more too…” Yun said sheepishly, while still grinning at the mere thought that Izel wanted more of him. Izel put his chin on Yun’s shoulder and huffed.

“Really?”

“Hm-hm.” Yun answered and took Izel’s hand to press it against his own awakened member at which they both sucked in a breath.

Izel moved a bit away to look down and see that he was really touching what he thought he was touching, but Yun didn’t give him much choice as he pulled him in for another heated kiss. Izel felt himself getting pulled along with that sensation again, moving his hand through Yun’s hair and their kiss became more passionate, more heated. Yun moved his hand over Izel’s side again towards his hip where the knot was of the cloth he was wearing, leaving his upper leg invitingly exposed. Noticing how Izel pulled him closer the closer he moved his hand to his hip, Yun dared caress his upper leg and left his hand there, his fingertips brushing against his ass cheek, his thumb laying close to his inner thigh.

It drove Izel mad. He wanted to feel more and yet felt a slight guilt at that desire. As if they were doing something they shouldn’t. As if they were tempted to do something forbidden. And yet he couldn’t think of any reason not to give in. So when Yun moved his head to kiss Izel’s jawline and neck he couldn’t help the loud moan that escaped him, nor did he care that he bucked his hips on instinct.

“Yun… Yun, please-“ Izel gasped as he could feel Yun’s hand move towards his behind more where it decisively grabbed his cheek, his fingers teasingly slipping between the cheeks.

“Izel…” Yun groaned and he pulled Izel in for another heated kiss with his free hand while the other one kept squishing the cheek he was holding.

Izel held himself up with one hand around Yun’s shoulder and the other moved all over his chest with the occasional dip lower, almost teasing Yun with the hope he would touch his quickly hardening erection. He moaned into the kiss as he teasingly slipped one of his fingers deeper within the crevice of Izel’s ass, searching for the entrance. He knew he had a choice to make. Continue with what he was doing and take this all the way, or move his hand away from that delicious spot and instead jerk Izel off. The mere thought of entering Izel, the person he loved more than anything in the world, was beyond tempting. He wanted to plunge himself into him, tell him with every movement, every thrust, just how loved he was. He wanted to make Izel feel amazing, he wanted to help him forget everything bad that had happened and just live and love in the now. If he could take Izel’s pain away for just a moment… But he was already doing that and jerking him off would still do that too…

Izel moaned his name again with such need, his hips bucking again, but this time he pressed it towards his hand of which his finger had found his entrance and was teasingly circling it. By all the good gods how Yun wanted to take it all the way. It would be so simple to move so Izel would straddle him and he would have better access to his hole while their erections would be pushed together. He really needed that, his neglected member needed to be touched and he wished he was wearing as little clothes as Izel for this was just getting more and more uncomfortable.

“I-Izel… Touch me.” Yun all but pleaded before kissing him deeply again and Izel moved his hand lower and lower. He couldn’t help the moan that escaped him as his dick finally got some attention, however awkward it was. It spiked his desire so much that in his horny haze he plunged his finger inside Izel, causing the boy to hiss at the intruding sensation. Izel had never done anything like this before and up until now every new sensation had been an extremely pleasant one. Yun’s finger passing past the rim of his entrance wasn’t necessarily a really bad feeling, but he wouldn’t call it pleasant either. He figured he needed to get used to it as Yun started to move it around a bit but the thought of why he did it wouldn’t let Izel go. He tried to focus on kissing Yun, moving even more aggressively in doing so while stroking his clothed member with more determination as if what Yun was doing pleased him. But the idea of his entrance being widened even more like that scared him. He wanted Yun, all of him. The idea of going all the way with him was exiting but also kind of frightening. Just when he was about to move his hips again to make sure whether the unpleasant feeling was still there, Yun broke their kiss and leaned back a bit.

“Izel… W-what do you want?” He asked and Izel wasn’t sure how to answer that. “Do you want to go all the way? Because I sure as hell do. But I’m not sure whether that is the right thing to do right now…”

“I… Don’t know either…” Izel said hesitatingly after which he added quickly; “I do know I want to be with you. I-I want to be fully one with you, but…” Izel looked down in uncertainty, his eyes instantly noticing how hard Yun had become and how big he was. Strange, how that exited and yet terrified him even more at the same time. He sucked in a breath as Yun removed his finger from his entrance and his hand from his behind all together.

“Then, let’s take it easy.” Yun whispered while pressing his face against Izel’s head, nuzzling his hair while taking in his scent.

“But I-“ Izel’s words were caught off as Yun placed his hand around his erection instead and Izel whimpered with the new feeling. Yun pulled him in for another kiss while he steadily moved his hand up and down Izel’s shaft. As Izel broke the kiss to moan and pleaded for more, Yun sucked his collarbone while moving his hand faster and faster as Izel got closer to his climax. With a high whimper he came with white cum gushing out over Yun’s hand and his own stomach. Ecstasy flooded his mind and for a moment it was like he couldn’t think at all. Yun held his body close as it shocked from the aftermath and he waited patiently for Izel to come down from the climax he had just felt. “Fuck…” Izel whispered in a dazed wonder.

“Good?” Yun asked, though he knew very well the answer. The question woke Izel up some more and he answered with a tired smile and a soft, gentle kiss to Yun’s lips.

“Now you.” He said tiredly as he moved his hand to Yun’s erection.

“You sure you’re not too tired? I could take care of it myself.” Yun offered but Izel send him an annoyed look at that with cheeks still flushed and Yun knew he stood no chance opposing Izel now.

He helped Izel pull his member out of his pants and he noticed how Izel swallowed nervously at the seize of it. K’in used to always brag about their seizes to other boys, especially at the bathing houses. None ever dared to point out that Yun’s was still slightly bigger than his and the one time he himself did so, he ended up with a black eye. Neither twin had ever mentioned it again since.  
Yun’s reminiscence came to a quick end when Izel found the courage to touch his throbbing dick and he took a harsh breath at the feeling of someone else touching him so intimately. He leaned his head against Izel’s neck while guiding him with his own hand to stroke his length.

“Fuck I love you so much…” Yun whimpered as Izel started to move his hand more quickly, becoming more confident with every stroke.

“Then come for me, Yun.” Izel whispered in his ear and the wording, the sound of his voice, the breath ghosting over his ear; it send shivers down Yun’s spine. He moved to pull Izel into another deep kiss and helped him jerk him off to his climax. He came while hiding his face against Izel’s head, unloading his semen on Izel’s stomach where it joined his own.

After a while they used Yun’s water flask to get, mainly Izel, cleaned up and they covered themselves up again. Izel leaned back so he was laying down along the trail and Yun leaned over him, caressing his arm gently while his eyes took in every part of his body.

“Don’t you want to go back to the cave? Aren’t you cold?”

“No. Not really.” Izel shrugged and he gestured for Yun to come lie down with him, turning on his side so Yun could lie behind him. As he did so he pulled Izel close, practically wrapping himself around him. “In my nightmare… I was in a very dark place. I don’t think I could sleep there again. Not tonight anyway…”

“Then we’ll sleep here.” Yun said with a matter of fact-like tone and closed his eyes as he made himself somewhat more comfortable.

“Yun, you don’t have to-“

“Izel.” Yun interrupted him without opening his eyes. “Shut up and go to sleep.” Izel snorted at that and he looked at the sky for a while. As Yun fell asleep he kept awake, drowsing off sometimes, but mainly he kept looking out over the horizon where the sky was slowly gaining more color. He remembered all that had happened that night, all that was said and done. He eventually drowsed off, his dreams now filled with the kind of life he had with Nelli except that he lived it with Yun as well. There was no doubt in his mind that those two would have gotten along greatly.

* * *

When Yun woke up he couldn’t have slept more than a couple of hours. He woke up to the feeling of something soft being draped over him and Izel who was still sleeping soundly in his arms. He mumbled a soft thank you to Xanastaku, too tired to wake up. He did so however instantly when he heard a low huff close to his head and he could hear two pair of soft steps walking away. He quickly opened his eyes and looked to where the sound seemed to go which was further up the trail. Zyanya in her beast form looked back at him when he leaned up on one arm and they watched each other for a moment before she huffed again, her long tongue tasting the air before she moved to just climb the rock wall to the top of the cliff.  
Yun quickly looked around but spotted no-one else nearby. Had Zyanya just gone to get Xanastaku’s shawl from the cave to drop it over them both? Just how aware of her surroundings was she? Yun knew Xanastaku had tried to approach her all day yesterday, but Zyanya kept evading her. He was glad she seemed to wish them no harm and showed signs of protectiveness instead for he had completely forgotten that they could have been attacked here in the open. However tired he was, he knew he should get them both back to the cave. The first rays of the sun touched the horizon and a breeze had picked up, making him worried that Izel might get sick again if they stayed here like this. He moved and kissed Izel’s cheek gently to see if it woke him up. It didn’t seem so although Yun noticed him shivering slightly and he mentally smacked himself for not making sure Izel was warm enough when they went to sleep. He carefully picked him up, wrapping the shawl around him like a blanket. For a moment he wondered whether Zyanya had been aware of what they were doing last night and he vehemently hoped she hadn’t. He would definitely refrain from mentioning it to Izel.  
It didn’t take long to walk back to the cave. Just before getting there Izel woke up slightly and Yun shushed him back to sleep, telling him he was taking them back to a safe, warm place to sleep. Izel seemed to take his word for it for he snuggled closer in Yun’s arms before letting himself sink away in sleep again. As he did so he mumbled that Nelly would have liked him and the thought warmed Yun’s heart. Everyone still seemed to be asleep as he put Izel down and as he curled himself around him once more he silently prayed that Nelli would give him her blessing and watch over them both.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. I feel like there are still some lose ends to tie up though. Yun and K'in's argument, Zyanya transforming back (and letting us know if she was aware of what happened between Yun and Izel) and how things progress with Yoalli and Tochtli. And maybe a true all-the-way first time of Yun and Izel??? (Or should I skip that? You guys tell me.)   
> I want to thank all of you who commented. CatWinter, Yorukocarter, veritos, Rosy, Atemues, Berkeil, angelajamie; here a shoutout to you all! I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much and to everyone who does, please let me know in a comment what you think of it! Takes me days of writing, takes you barely a minute to comment. ;)   
> Also, if there is anything you'd want to see more of in the next (and this time probably final) chapter, do let me know! I might add in those requests. ^.^


	3. Even in your weakest moments I know you are strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what, forget the entire chapter limit thing, cuss I'm just not good at sticking to it, at all! So we'll see how long this story will go. Didn't hear any complainst though about the length of it, so yeah, why trying to short it in limited chapters when it feels right and more realistic to write out all the interaction?   
> Also, that's a warning; Lot's of dialogue!

When Izel awoke the next morning there was already some light shining into the cave from the entrance. He could feel warm, securing arms around him and a pressure against his behind that instantly made him recall what had happened last night. Yun. Him and Yun. Kissing, touching, making out. Yun had confessed to him and whispered the words again when he was close to his climax. The memory of it made Izel’s insides heat up, his heart seemed to do a little dance of joy and he couldn’t help the broad grin spreading on his face despite the burning warmth it suddenly held. He sighed deeply, contently and put his hand around the arm around his middle underneath the make-shift blanket.

“Good morning.” He heard a sleep tinged, warm voice from behind him and he felt how Yun kissed him sweetly behind his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

“Hm, good morning.” Izel answered, turning back a bit so he could look at Yun who leant up a little on one arm while still holding him close with the other. Aside from the two of them there didn’t seem to be anyone else in the cave, which would make sense since the sun must be up for quite a while, making it probably late in the morning.

“How are you feeling?” Yun asked him softly while nuzzling his face against Izel’s hair, breathing him in. There was no doubt for Izel in what kind of mood Yun was, if the pressure against his behind told him anything.

“Better than I’ve felt in a long time.” Izel sighed and Yun reached up his hand to caress his cheek, looking intently at him.

“You won’t leave me again like that, right?” He asked, needing Izel to confirm it, needing him to know how afraid he was of that.

“I won’t. I don’t want to ever hurt you like that again.” Izel said and he laid a hand on Yun’s cheek. “I promise.” He pulled him close and they sealed the promise with a kiss. As soon as they did Izel could feel a tingling sensation coursing through his body, as if his whole body would be committed to that promise. 

“Good.” Yun whispered when they parted. “Then I will hear you out more and come to a decision or compromise we can both agree to when you have an idea.” He caressed Izel’s cheek with his thumb and leaned in with the words; “I promise,” before kissing him gently.

“I think I like these kind of promises.” Izel flushed, but smiled nonetheless and Yun smirked.

“Hmm, so do I.”

“You promise?” Izel laid a finger on Yun’s lips to prevent him from kissing him again, at which Yun frowned adorably for a moment before laughing softly.

“I promise.” And Izel let him kiss him. Unlike their earlier kisses Yun’s tongue carefully found his way past Izel’s lips. Izel turned his head and Yun leaned against and half over him some more as the kiss got more heated. Izel moaned softly and shivers of delight seemed to follow the trail Yun’s hand made as it slipped lower and lower. From his chest to his abdomen, the rim of the cloth he was wearing to his thigh. He couldn’t wait to feel Yun’s hand around his awakening member and he pushed his behind strongly against Yun’s morning wood.

“The hell?”

They heard a gasp and they quickly made an end to their kiss while Yun pulled his hand away. K’in stood at the foot of the slope, wide-eyed at what he had just walked into.

“K’in.” Yun said, swallowing and for a moment nobody said anything. They didn’t have to.

“You said you loved him…” K’in said softly, barely hearable for them both and as an open book they could read how realization seemed to dawn on him. He moved his hand as if he intended to smack himself in the face, but he seemed to dumbfounded at his own stupidity to do so and it ended there gently instead. “That… I- You- …Go. I go. Outside. Yep, leaving. Going outside...” K’in started mumbling while turning around and they could see his neck turning all red as he exited the cave, no doubt completely forgotten what he came there to do in the first place.

“You think that’s funny?” Izel asked as Yun’s body suddenly shocked with soft laughter. He had a smile on his lips too though. “I think we scarred him.”

“Y-yeah. Probably.” Yun answered as he got somewhat a hold of himself.

“What did he mean with that you said you loved me?” Izel asked while frowning, which quickly turned to panic. “You don’t think he heard us last night?!”

“No, no.” Yun quickly reassured him. “I… We got into this fight before you came back… K’in… He can’t handle big changes all that well. I’ve been worried a lot about you and, well, I guess he feared that might get between us… Honestly, he didn’t even see that I felt so much more for you than just another brother, not even when I literally told him so. He misunderstood, got jealous and well… It wasn’t pretty…” Yun explained and he felt guilt creep up at him for not talking to his twin yesterday to clear up this whole misunderstanding. Well, at least now there wouldn’t be any doubt about how he thought of Izel.

“I’m… Sorry. I don’t want to get between you guys.” Izel answered while entangling their fingers.

“You’re not. Sooner or later we would grow apart some more.” Yun assured him. “That’s inevitable when either one of us would find a partner they’d want to spend the rest of their lives with. It just happened to be me first, that that happened to.” Yun explained and Izel blushes slightly at the implications of those words. “So, don’t go feeling all guilty about that okay?”

“Hmm. Fine. I’ve got plenty to feel guilty over so I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it and let this one go.” Izel joked with a shrug.

“Does that mean it’s another promise?” Yun asked hopefully and Izel chuckled.

“Nah, just an ‘I’ll try’.” He said and teasingly put his hand over Yun’s mouth as he tried to kiss him again. 

“Fair enough.” Yun sighed after removing Izel’s hand and he kissed it instead. “I guess we should get up huh?”

“Wouldn’t want anyone else walking in on us and cause more scarring for everyone involved.” Izel agreed. Before he let Yun get up though he pulled him in for one more deep kiss. Yun held him close for a while yet and then they parted; Yun going outside to look for his twin, Izel putting on his own clothes and preparing to go see Xanastaku.

* * *

As Izel stepped out of the cave he had to shield his eyes against the bright daylight, letting them get adjusted to it. When he did so he found two people sitting around a low burning fire on a log at the other end of the circular empty terrain before the cave. It was Xanastaku and; Zyanya in all her human glory. Izel couldn’t help staring at her and it wasn’t until she stood up and smirked at him that he jumped to action. He quickly hugged her with a laugh before taking a few steps back.

“You’re back!” He let out in delight and noted the obsidian hanging on a cord around her neck. All that searching in the river water had not been for nothing after all.

“Jup! No small thanks to you, I heard.” She laughed and playfully messed up his hair. “Honestly though, taking such a risk for me. You’re absolutely mad, you know that right? ”

“Gheheh.” Izel laughed sheepishly. Yep, he deserved that one and honestly; he couldn’t really argue with that. Though, what did that say about all of them, following this madman around as they did.

“How are you feeling today Izel?” Xanastaku asked and at her request he came to sit down between them. She put a hand to his forehead, turning his head this way and that while he told her he was doing fine now. He apologized for worrying her so and she waved it off and explained to him why he got sick. She also deducted that it was better that they stayed here for one more night so all of them could recover properly and catch up on some much needed rest. Finding such a calm safe heaven was not a given and they couldn’t know when they’d get such an opportunity again. Izel agreed with it, not feeling like opposing her now that things seem to finally go well. He was still nervous and anxious that it could all go wrong again at any moment, but he knew that they were capable of defending themselves and they all needed to be rested and ready for the journey and battle ahead. He tried to suppress the selfish thought that this would also give him ample opportunity to be alone with Yun.

* * *

Yun found his brother at the water’s edge, showing off his rock skipping skills to the girl and the little boy. In his worries about Izel Yun hadn’t really taken any initiative to introduce himself to the two newcomers. Decisively he walked up to the girl who was standing closest to him, watching her younger brother with a hawks eye.

“Hey there. I don’t think I introduced myself yet and I’m sorry for that. My name is Yun.” He said and put out his hand for her to shake it as she introduced herself. She looked at him though, then his hand, then his face again and then she looked away from him without making any move to take his hand.

“Yoalli.” She said coldly and Yun frowned as he lowered his hand.

“Yoalli! Look!” The child came running towards her with a round stone in his wet hands. “Look what I found! Isn’t it pretty?”

“It’s very pretty, Tochtli. Well done!” She said encouragingly as she knelt down and looked at his precious treasure.

“Yun…” Yun looked up from the endearing scene to find K’in approaching him also. His brother had an uncertain look in his eyes and it was obvious he didn’t know how to act around him.

“K’in. Can we talk?” Yun asked and K’in nodded before leading him away from the other siblings. They walked in silence for a good while, following a stream that fed the lake with water and which led them deeper into the forest. The foliage was so dense that even the light of the sun got blocked out for the most part as it scarcely filtered through the gaps between leaves upon leaves, casting the place in a wide variation of green and brown hues. It was a beautiful place, though neither brother seemed to enjoy it much because of the tense atmosphere and awkwardness between them. 

“So… You and Izel…” K’in started awkwardly while bouncing the ball on the ground every now and then. He always needed to keep his hands busy whenever he felt uncomfortable.

“Uh, yeah…” Yun answered, feeling just as awkward and being at a loss for words. Maybe K’in had been right after all. He normally never had any trouble talking to his twin. Only when it came down to Izel.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” K’in asked suddenly and quickly continued before Yun could answer. “I mean, I know you kinda did, but still. For how long have you… uhm… Y’know…” Cheeks red neither twin dared to look at the other, the rhythmic sound of the bouncing ball being a comfort to them both.

“I think I liked him for a while… Not entirely sure since when but I knew I loved him when I held him in my arms as he was pretty much dying and I didn’t know Xanastaku could heal him…” Yun confessed. “The thought of losing him… Hurt more than I can say and made it undeniably clear how much I’ve come to care for him.” K’in stayed silent for a bit humming shortly as he took in what Yun had just told him.

“And since when have you guys been together?”

“Since last night.” Yun answered, cheeks flaming as he recalled his confession to Izel.

“Really?” K’in asked and he looked up in surprise. After walking in on them this morning he had expected them to be together longer than that. On the other hand, not that much time had passed since they left the last gate. Seeing the flustered state his normally composed brother was in, he instantly knew there was more to the story than his twin was letting on. “I… am sorry for drawing conclusions, for yelling at you and for, you know, being a jerk…”

“That’s okay. I ought to be used to it by now, right? When it comes to Izel… I guess I’m a bit overprotective.”

“A bit?”

“Fine a lot. Can’t blame me though, right? All things considered… And I’m sorry to for yelling at you too and for not being clear with you and all that.”

“’s all good.” K’in shrugged in reply and he kept the ball in his hands before asking the question that has been burning on his tongue. “So, if you really love him and want to be with him… Where does that leave us?” K’in asked uncertainly and Yun looked at him before sighing and stepping closer. He put his hands on the ball as well before he answered, both of them looking down at it and Yun pressed his forehead to his twin’s.

“Nothing will change between us. You are still my twin. My rival, my best friend. I might spend a little more time apart from you when I want to be alone with Izel… But we still have our thing too. You and Izel are the greatest loves of my life, just in different ways. I couldn’t bear losing either of you…” _So don’t make me choose…_ Yun pleaded as he closed his eyes. It surprised him as the ball was suddenly dropped between them and he got pulled into a fierce hug, which he returned.

“You jerk, getting all sappy with me when I feel like this…” K’in said with a thick throat and Yun instantly knew what he meant for he felt the same. They were still in sync like that and he loved it about their relationship that they could feel each other so well without needing words. “So,” K’in said after sucking in a deep breath and pushing them apart a bit though he left his hands on Yun’s shoulders. “how far did you go with Izel? And how was it?”

“Uhm.” Yun’s face heated up in an instant, embarrassed by the question and the memories it brought forth. If he couldn’t talk about this with his twin though, who would he talk to? “We… eh. Haven’t gone all the way yet…”

“But you want to.” K’in smirked knowingly and the sight of it instantly put Yun at ease for he knew that look very well. It was the one they shared when they had a shared secret.

“You have no idea..!” Yun groaned. “But I had only just confessed to him and he wasn’t sure about how he felt or what he felt and it just didn’t feel right to rush it you know?”

“So…” K’in implied for Yun to continue. “What did you do instead? Blow each other?”

“N-no! Of course not!” Yun answered all heated and defensive. The thought did awaken a desire in him and the mere possibility made his dick twitch and mouth water at the idea of having Izel on his knees before him. “W-we just lent each other a hand…” He murmured while looking away as he willed the fantasies away, which was entirely his brother’s fault to begin with for putting them into his head.

“So you just jerked each other off… That’s it?” K’in asked with a raised brow. Yun didn’t think he had any right to judge him here. But he was so judging him.

“It was more than that… We kissed a lot, touching each other and all that…” Yun said somewhat uncomfortably and he then noticed the sadistic grin spreading around K’in’s lips.

“Oh, reaaally? And how did that go, exactly?” He asked while moving his brows suggestively, ever smirking that knowing grin.

“You absolute asshole…” Yun said while narrowing his eyes, realizing what his twin was doing.

“Well, I’m sure it wasn’t mine that was involved. But his was huh? Interesting- ouch!“ Yun punched his twin in the shoulder before pulling him onto a headlock and telling him it was for embarrassing him on purpose. He promised he would get back at him when he got to fall in love. They laughed as they wrestled with each other for a bit.

“Wanna play some ball before we head back?” K’in suggested as he got the ball flying back into his hands again.

“Sure thing. You won’t hear me saying no to some ball play.” Yun remarked with a knowing smirk, making K’in choke for a bit before Yun burst into laughter at which K’in send the ball flying his way. They played their game for a while from then on, just like the old days. Couldn’t get rusty after all. If they managed to survive these overwhelming odds while fighting gods, they still had a shared dream to fulfill.

* * *

“So, how are things with you and Yun?” Zyanya asked, causing Izel to nearly choke on the water he was drinking from the flask Xanastaku had given him.

“W-what do you mean me and Yun?” Izel cleaned the water from his mouth, looking wide-eyed at Zyanya.

“Oh please, I know you guys have been getting it on. No need to hide it, right Xanastaku?”

“I suspected as much. The way you guys act around each other, especially Yun.” Xanastaku answered thoughtfully and Izel looked just as surprised at her as he had at Zyanya.

“Was it really that obvious..?” He asked softly while blushing slightly.

“Kinda.” “Uhhuh.” They answered at the same time, causing Izel’s blush to deepen.

“Besides, I’d say this mark makes it rather obvious something happened between you two last night, you didn’t have it yesterday.” Xanastaku said while softly touching the hickey on Izel’s jawline. He instantly put his hand over it and he hid his face in his other one as he bended over his knees with a groan. Xanastaku chuckled. If they had thought him red faced before, right now he turned bright crimson.

“So, you love him then?” Zyanya asked relentlessly and Izel mumbled something against his knees. “What was that?” She demanded, poking him in his side.

“I said I’m not sure yet.” Izel answered properly with a sigh, sitting up again. “How do you know such a thing? Have either of you been in love before?”

“No, not really…” Xanastaku answered.

“I have.” Zyanya answered softly while looking down. “But it might be different for everyone. Do you think about him a lot?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to be near him? Does your heart speed up every time he shows up? Do want to watch him all the time?” Finding himself say yes to every one of those questions Izel just nodded and Zyanya shrugged. “Then that’s good enough right? In a way you might never know for sure and I do think that it’s impossible to feel love all the time. Just like how it’s impossible to be happy all the time.”

“I think so too.” Xanastaku added. “Under any other normal circumstances I would say you should just take your time to figure it out. But… Izel, without you we wouldn’t be here. You paid a hefty price for that and you’ve been through so much. If there were any of us who deserved to find love, experience happiness, it would be you. So don’t hold back on yourself okay? I know you blame yourself for a lot of things and you might be thinking that you don’t deserve it, but…”

“You do. Besides, who cares? For all we know we might be dead next week, or the week after. Might as well enjoy yourself while you have the opportunity.” Zyanya filled in and though the blush still resided on his cheeks, Izel smiled. They were right, he probably did deserve it. Yun most certainly did. To gain such support from these girls, he was truly grateful.

“Thank you.” He said. “I’m really glad we’re friends. And I’m really glad that you’re back.” He said the last part to Zyanya who waved him off.

“You wouldn’t last five minutes when facing the gods without me.”

“Confident as always.” Izel remarked with a smile.

“Of course. Or did you think it was only my strength and fighting skills I brought to the table? We both know you especially could use some of my confidence.” She poked him in the chest with a smirk.

“Hey, Izel has gotten a lot more confident.” Xanastaku defended him from his other side.

“I know, if that mark of on his jaw is anything to go by. So you see, It’s working. Ain’t you glad that you got me Izel, now at least you won’t die a virgin. That you still look like one though is sadly something even I can’t fix.” Zyanya said holding up her hands.

“Hey!” Izel returned faking insult. “I’ll have you know that it is that look that got even the gods to underestimate me, choosing me as humanity’s champion. Because I look like a virgin.” And at that the girls started to laugh after which Izel joined in. He loved these moments. These peaceful moments that sometimes seemed so far away, like they belonged to someone else, to a different life. Are you watching Nelli? He was going to be alright, even without her. He had friends now, a boy he really, really liked and his growing confidence caused him to really appreciate life and made him want to live it.

“Speaking of, look who’s back.” Xanastaku said with still a smile on her face as Yun and K’in walked into the open space of their encampment. Before anyone could properly react K’in had made his way to them and pulled Izel up by his arm.

“I’m gonna kidnap you now. We need to have a little talk.” Swinging his arm around Izel’s shoulders he led them away. Izel looked questioningly at Yun as they passed him but he just shrugged his shoulders and smiled apologetically.

“Perfect timing.” Zyanya said, gaining Yun’s attention as his twin stole his crush away towards the lake. “Yun, sit.” She said while pointing to the spot between herself and Xanastaku where Izel sat moments ago. Yun sighed but obeyed her.

“So.” Xanastaku said.

“So.” Zyanya said.

“So?” Yun said questioningly while the two girls looked pointedly at him and he could feel dread creeping up on him. He swallowed.

“You’ve been busy last night.” Zyanya remarked with a knowing grin and instantly Yun could feel his face heat up at the implication.

“Yun, Izel could still have had a fever. Taking him out in the cold like that. He might not even have been clear minded enough to think straight. Consent is a most important thing, you know, and only counts when that person is in his right mind.” Xanastaku scolded him, arms folded in front of her chest.

“I know that. I would never do anything to harm him!” Yun defended fiercely.

“You could have been attacked by monsters to. Did you think of that while you were getting handsy with Izel?” Zyanya asked, having her arms folded in front of her chest as well.

“Well, I-“

“He had just been severely traumatized. Did it even cross your mind he might just be emotionally vulnerable right then?” Xanastaku asked relentlessly.

“That’s-“

“Izel clearly had no experience whatsoever. Were you even clear about what he was getting himself into?”

“Izel is not that weak!” Yun suddenly shouted through their lecture. How dare they question his concern for Izel’s wellbeing. “Could I have done things better? Yeah, probably. But Izel is not so weak that he needs to be treated like he’s been made of porcelain. He has been through so much, but always got back up again. He dares to be vulnerable with me and that makes him just so much stronger in my eyes. I would never do anything to hurt him, because I care fucking much about him!” Red-cheeked Yun looked stubbornly down to the ground after his outburst. Zyanya and Xanastaku smiled at each other.

“You love him then?”

“More than I could ever say.” Yun said softly, looking sideways at Zyanya and after a moment she smirked. Then she slapped him on the back, hard.

“Good on you then. At least some of us will get some eh?” She grinned as he caught his breath.

“Just make sure that you’re aware of your surroundings. And that you are both clear of mind when giving consent.” Xanastaku added motherly.

“Yeah, will do.” Yun answered as he gathered himself and realized they were testing him before.

“Also, one more thing. Either keep it down or do it somewhere we can’t hear you.” Zyanya said and pointed at her ear. “Sharp ears, ya know. So no sneakily frotting around while we’re all sleeping in the same encampment.” Yun groaned while hiding his red face into his hands, saying he got that. He was glad though that they gave him practically their blessing in being with Izel. Now they wouldn’t need to sneak around just to hold hands. He smiled between his hands. He was really glad he had these friends that watched out for the both of them.

* * *

As K’in pulled Izel along the edge of the water he spotted Yoalli and Tochtli and he intended to walk up to them to ask how they were holding up. When Yoalli looked up however she seemed to send him such a destructive look that he wondered what he had done wrong. Before he could ask though K’in pulled him along towards a path along a river that fed the lake with its water. The place was beautiful and as K’in let go of him Izel took a moment to take in all the different shades of green and brown while listening to the sounds of the stream, the birds and the crickets. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes for a moment and just felt and listened to the song of harmony that nature seemed to play for him.

“Okay, look…” K’in interrupted Izels moment and he looked up at him, finding K’in slightly blushing and looking only stubbornly at the ball in his hands. “I’m only gonna say this once so you better listen. I… haven’t been exactly kind to you in the past… I misunderstood things and, well, I am sorry for that…” Izel blinked and he suddenly remembered what Yun had told him about his brother this morning.

“It’s okay.” Izel answered. “I’m not angry. If anything, I’m sorry too… Y-you know… About this morning…” Blushing now too Izel looked nervously at the ground and instantly K’in realized what he meant.

“Oh, well, I don’t think that was your fault really. I was only looking at my own two feet until I heard something… Ah, then again, I didn’t exactly expect to walk in on my brother shoving his tongue down your throat so, you can’t really blame me either.” K’in put his hand to his chin, looking up in a thinking manner. “Tell you what, let’s agree that neither one of us is as fault here. Yun is the one who should have known better.” He nodded himself in agreement.

“Well… I’m not sure it was his fault either…” Izel stammered, cheeks flushing at K’in’s blunt wording. He shook his head though.

“Na-ah. He should have been more aware of his surroundings. The blame here lies in the _mood_ he woke up with, am I right?” K’in moved his eyebrows suggestively while leaning closer to Izel, whose face turned fully red. He didn’t have to say anything. “Yeah thought so. I know him better than anyone. Especially with such mornings he might forget to think with his head instead of his dick, really. You better remind him next time. Good luck with that.” And he patted Izel on the shoulder.

“Uhm… I’ll keep it in mind?” Izel answered and he tried very hard not to think about how K’in would know that.

“Can I ask you something?” The joking attitude K’in had seemed to have vanished.

“Sure.”

“Do you love him?” Izel swallowed and he could tell that K’in expected a true answer from him so he took his time thinking about it. Did he love Yun? If all the questions Zyanya asked earlier were any indication, did that mean he did? Would he ever know for sure?

“I think so, yeah.” 

“Good.” K’in smirked with eyes closed. As he looked up he added; “Cause I can tell that my brother is really smitten with you.”

“K’in…” Izel whispered, cheeks heating and he hardly noticed the big smile that sentence caused.

“One last thing.” K’in said and he stepped really close to Izel, all humor having left his eyes. “If you hurt him I swear all that the gods have thrown at you so far will seem like nothing compared to my wrath. Got that?” He looked intensely into Izel’s eyes with an earnestly that Izel hadn’t seen often in him. Like a storm brewing in those blue eyes that promised disaster to all who stood in its way.

“Yeah.” Izel said softly, nodding. K’in leaned back and grinned, swinging one arm over his shoulder.

“Good! Nice to know we understand each other!” They started moving back toward the direction of the others. “Do me a favor though, will you? Find a more… private spot to get the heat on between you two alright? Don’t think any one of us would want to repeat this morning.”

“Yeah, I think we all learned that lesson. Sorry for scarring you.”

“Pfft. I don’t scar that easily. It’s not the first time seeing my brother kissing a guy. Honestly we ought to be glad it was me walking in and not any of the girls.” K’in grinned.

“I think they would’ve handled it pretty well actually… Although, we’d probably gotten scolded more…”

“Ghah, as if they didn’t already do that. You think Yun has had enough or should we let him suffer a bit more?” They both laughed as they came closer to the lake’s edge. It felt good to Izel. Like he finally got more of a connection to K’in. It felt as if K’in truly accepted him as a part of the family. The warmth in his chest was something he never wanted to let go of.

“You.” The two were interrupted by a very stern and angry sounding Yoalli as she marched towards Izel. He could hear K’in cursing under his breath and noticed how the guy seemed to tense up instantly.

“Yoalli-“

“You lied to me.” She said, poking Izel hard in the chest while connecting her eyes with his. They were blazing with fury. “He told me all about it.” She shortly motioned to K’in whom stood rooted at the spot. “It was because of you that our village was attacked. You lead them there. Because of you my family is dead!” She shouted in furry and Izel swallowed hard as the images of that night and the previous night came washing over him. “We opened our save haven to you, our homes, our generous hearts. And you said nothing of the dangers we put ourselves into for that!” By then her shouting had attracted the attention of the others whom came to see what the commotion was all about. She ignored them. “And you had the fucking gall to act all innocent, like it had nothing to do with you! You dared touch the bodies of those you practically murdered! And then you lied about it. You disgust me.”

“None of that was Izel’s fault!” Yun argued, standing up for the boy he loved. “You have no idea the burden he has to bear.”

“Don’t I?!” She asked aghast. “I was there to collect all the bodies of my village, the toll of his burden! The sacrifice he made was not even really his, it was mine. He sacrificed my home for this burden!”

“Yoalli, please. Let’s all cool off a bit.” Xanastaku said, ever the peace keeper, and she tried to steer her away. The gesture got roughly shoved off.

“You bring nothing but death wherever you go. I want nothing, nothing to do with you!” She seethed and Zyanya stepped between her and Izel provocatively.

“Then maybe you’d like to travel alone from here on out? I assure you you’d do the demons around here a favor.” Zyanya narrowed her eyes at the girl whom finally let Xanastaku lead her away after a frustrated roar. She stomped out of sight, Tochtli staying with K’in and Izel turning around to walk away as well.

“Izel.” Yun said as he rushed after him, the brunette having set a fast phase towards the trail that would lead to the top of the rock formation. After a sharp turn they ended up on a cliff looking out over the forest and the lake. As Izel stopped there Yun moved silently closer and he noticed how he trembled. Wordlessly he took Izel into his arms and he felt how Izel held on to him for dear life. Yun knew Izel would talk when he felt ready and that right now there wasn’t anything else he could do for him. He kissed his head in support, caressing his back in the meantime.

“She’s right. I-I should have said something, warned th-“

“No, Izel.” Yun said as he moved away so he could look Izel in his eyes. Damn that girl for undoing all his hard work of diminishing Izel’s guilt. “You couldn’t have known what would happen. We followed Yaotl, had been on the run for so long up until that point and just been through one hell of a fight, not to mention the betrayal of Zyanya… We needed to rest and that was the only safe place Yaotl could probably think of at the time. Not even he saw the attack coming.” He laid a hand on the other’s face, watching intently as his eyes seemed to shimmer with unshed tears

“I know. But, I…” Izel shook his head. “No, never mind. You’re right.” He swallowed, stealing his heart and forcing the tears back.

“Izel… Please.” Yun whispered as he pushed their foreheads together and Izel’s heart beat painfully at hearing the unexpected pain in the other’s plea. “Share your burden with me. Let your guard down around me, so I might help if not understand you better. You don’t have to hide anything from me. You don’t have to act strong around me for I know you always are, no matter how weak you might feel.”

“Yun…” As Izel took a sharp breath his body shocked with a silent sob. “I couldn’t do anything!” He burst out, fisting Yun’s tunic in his hands. The words felt like sandpaper as they left his throat, forcing their way past the lump that would normally keep them silent. “That night… All I did was watch, I couldn’t move! A-and when I finally could and had the conviction to fight them- I still didn’t make a difference. I still n-needed to be saved by all of you! I d-didn’t do anything! I couldn’t do anything… I couldn’t do anything…” Letting the tears flow their course Yun held him tighter, caressing his back while his own throat closed up as well.

Izel clutched onto him as he remembered again that night, the children being torn, their bodies at his feet, the blood, so much blood and the other villagers being torn apart by the Tzitzimimeh. At least the mother and child he had intended to safe as he got finally ready to fight, long after all the others started fighting, after Xanastaku got knocked out of the sky, K’in got sliced open -dying no doubt- and Yun got stuck between trees and a fallen Tzitzimimeh. Long after most of the villagers had already been slaughtered. And even the two remaining he couldn’t safe. Worse, he needed to be saved by those whom had at least done some damage to the monsters. He hadn’t made a difference. He lured them there and he hadn’t done anything to stop them.  
As Yun held him he cried. He cried and cried and Yun held him, caressed his back, ensuring him he was there so the dark memories didn’t completely overtake him. After a while Izel calmed down somewhat. They were sitting on the ground by then and were looking over the forest and the lake as the sun slowly climbed to its highest peak. Izel felt empty, drained and somewhat more light. He was grateful to have Yun there with him, still holding him as if none of his flaws, his mistakes and shortcomings mattered.

“It wasn’t just you, you know…” Yun whispered softly and Izel nuzzled his face into his neck, taking in his scent as he listened intently to what Yun had to say. “I was desperate to keep you safe. When K’in got hurt-“ He has to stop for a bit, remembering the sheer terror at watching his twin spilling blood as one of those monsters sliced him a fatal injury that would have killed him in minutes. “I couldn’t get to him, I couldn’t protect him. And then I lost sight of you too…” He didn’t want to remember, didn’t want to relive it all. But those were the nightmares that haunted him. That and the time he sank away in darkness in the underworld. But Izel didn’t know about that and for now he didn’t need to. Izel held him tighter, kissing his temple and giving him the same support he had given Izel moments ago. “At the end of the day, Izel, none of us made a difference. Not for those villagers… It’s not just your burden to bear. The guilt you feel, I think we all feel it…” Yun said softly, still barely above a whisper.

“Maybe it made us stronger in the end… Strong enough to stand up against the gods that play these sick games that have such horrible consequences for us…” Izel said as he looked towards the lake, feeling his conviction strengthen once more. They needed to get to Tenochtitlan so they could enlist the help of other gods. Surely there were some whom didn’t agree with how Tezcatlipoka and Quetzlcoatl treated humankind? Yaotl said allies could be found there. He hoped they could find them in time. That they truly were willing to help. And more than anything he dreaded the price they might ask in return. He just hoped he would be the only one suffering from it…

“If there is anyone whom could put a stop to them by rallying allies, it would be you.” Yun said with a smile. “You are plenty strong Izel. So much stronger than back then. And if you ever need a moment to let go of that strength, know that I am always right here for you.” He caressed Izel’s face as they looked at each other and Izel could feel his chest filled with warmth. Love huh? Could he describe this feeling as anything else? He was about to say the words when Yun closed the gap and their lips found each other. It took but a moment before Izel opened his mouth and he pulled Yun closer as they deepened the kiss. Tongues swirling around each other in a lazy caring manner that conveyed how grateful they were of each other’s presence. Of each other’s support and honesty. Yun pulled back a little bit before things could get overheated and he slowly pulled his tongue back into his own mouth while still moving his lips against Izel’s. Catching their breath, Yun moved to kiss his cheek, his brow, his forehead, his lips and then his hand. He smiled at Izel and a flustered Izel smiled back. Izel opened his mouth to actually say those words, his heart hammering in his chest at the mere thought of confessing. Did Yun feel as nervous when he first said them? Did he still get nervous every time he’d say them? Just as the first word slipped from his still reddened lips he got interrupted by a loud growl coming from between them. For a moment they both blinked and then Yun laughed.

“Gheh, I guess it’s time for some food.” He said sheepishly and Izel chuckled. He didn’t feel as hungry, which was weird considering he hadn’t eaten anything yesterday either. The memories of the night before though would instantly ruin his appetite. As he Yun helped him up he guessed he better not confess on an empty stomach anyway.

* * *

When they walked down they could already see the smoke of a fire where the rest of their company roasted some fish. As soon as they got to the foot of the trail K’in hurriedly walked up to them. He could tell they had both reddish eyes, especially Izel, and he swallowed as he rushed to them.

“I am so sorry.” He said hurriedly while bowing his head. “I didn’t think she’d react like that. I told her to hurt you, because I didn’t realize what was going on yet and it was petty and stupid and cruel and I’m so, so sorry. I worded it all wrong and I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all. I-It’s all my fault and I’m so sorry for hurting you…” He could tell he was close to tears, damn it. He must have hurt them both pretty bad with what he had done, what Yoalli had said because of him. He knew Izel’s weakness and used it against him invoking furry from the one person whom could plunge him into guilt and self-hate even deeper. Little did he know that he also attacked Yun’s weakness with that. He kept his eyes closed as he could tell one of them walking up to him. Then he got pulled into a fierce hug.

“I hate you sometimes as much as I love you.” Yun whispered in his ear. He could tell his twin was on the verge of tears, which rarely happened, and that he was truly guilt-ridden. He, for one, had good reason though and though Yun hated what he had tried to do, he also knew that K’in understood now. It was just after things had been set in motion to hurt Izel. “You’ll never do it again, right?”

“Of course! I know now. He’s family.”

“Promise to protect him?” Yun asked as they looked each other in the eye.

“I swear. He’s practically my little brother in law right? I won’t hurt him again.” K’in moved to look at Izel. “I promise I won’t hurt you again, Izel.” Izel nodded and he stepped closer, pulling both twins in a hug.

“I forgive you.” He said and shortly after he let go. Yun sighed in relief, glad his two favorite people in the world had made up.

Little did they know young eyes had been watching and witnessed the entire thing.

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it. Lot's of character interaction and frankly everyone shipping Yunzel. XD Still some drama to come and I've had lots of reacions tell me they want an 18+ first time between them. You prev's still want that right? It will fit with the story a little bit further ahead. Ten pages is however a nice number for the length of a chapter so it didn't really come to pass yet in this one. Probably next chapter.   
> Please let me know again what you think of this chapter and if there is anything you'd like me to adress in the next one!   
> (Also if anyone is willing to make fanart of this I might add it to the chapters (with referring to the maker ofcourse.))   
> Thank you so much to all who commented! Oh, on that note, I noticed most comments being Spanish and I wondered how come. How did all you guys find this show? I found it on a cartoonsite called Kimcartoon.


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